At One With Fifteenkey

Orbiting the sun seemed to take a little longer this year, but the calendar says it clocked the usual 365, and here we are, right back where we started on Megan’s birthday. Seventeen. While shopping yesterday, I considered picking up a copy of “Seventeen,” but she’s way past that. On this day, she’s got maturity as an accessory to go along with her intelligence, beauty and humor. Happy Birthday, my girl.




For fifteenkey’s first birthday, we’ll have some Similac and strained bananas. Mmmmm good. Over the weekend I looked back to find posts that were interesting, important or still humorous to me. Here’s ten of them and one for good luck.

• Got a Minute?
• When I pretend to Touch You, You Pretend to Feel
• Inject Emotion
• Lost Luggage at Starbucks
• “About Five-Hundred Feet”
• Another Ass-Kicking for Cancer
• In the Face of a Lawyer
• Soggy Off-Season
• The Evil Powers of Rock and Roll
• “First prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.”

• 1,000 Words on Kyle's Birthday...

Number One, With a Bullet.

Lists are cool. It’s always a good feeling to cross stuff off “the list.” Lists are everywhere. There’s the “Top 40,” Letterman’s Top Ten, and Top Five lists from High Fidelity. Protagonist Rob, played by John Cusak has a top five for virtually everything, including “top five dream jobs,” "top five films," “top five songs about death,” and the ever-popular "top five breakups." Tar Hut Records once got an Ex-Husbands song into the Americana Top 10. It cost us about $2,000 to get it there and netted the sale of about 3 CD’s. So yeah, lists can be a little overrated, but they are fun. Speaking of fun, even the late astronomer Carl Sagan had a “Top 5” list:

Carl Sagan's Top 5 List of Most Influential Scientists*

1. Democritus of Abdera (460-370 B.C.) Greek philosopher who developed mechanical model of universe based on the idea that all things are comprised of tiny identical particles.
2. Johannes Kepler (1571-1630) Developed Kepler's Laws that describe the revolution of planets around the sun.
3. Isaac Newton (1642-1727) Formulated the Law of Universal Gravitation
4. Charles Darwin (1809-1882) Developed theory of evolution
5. Albert Einstein (1879-1955) Famous for his theory of general relativity.

* from the Ithaca Journal, Saturday, October 8, 1994

I love lists, so I think I’m going to start a “Top 5” section here. Let’s begin, shall we?

Top Five Best Baseball Movies

1. Bull Durham – Hilarious love triangle in the dusty minor leagues.
Crash Davis (Kevin Costner): “Man that ball got outta here in a hurry. I mean anything travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don't you think?”

2. The Natural – #1 if not for the cheesy fireworks ending.
Max Mercy (Robert Duval): “You read my mind.”
Roy Hobbs (Robert Redford): “That takes all of three seconds.”

3. Field of Dreams – Heaven in an Iowa Cornfield
Ray Kinsella (Kevin Costner): So what do you want?
Terence Mann (James Earl Jones): I want them to stop looking to me for answers, begging me to speak again, write again, be a leader. I want them to start thinking for themselves. I want my privacy.
Ray Kinsella: No, I mean, what do you WANT?
[Gestures to the Fenway Park concession stand they're in front of]
Terence Mann: Oh. Dog and a beer.

4. League of Their Own – Chicks playing baseball under Manager Tom Hanks during WWII. Jimmy Dugan (Hanks): Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There's no crying, there's no crying in baseball.

5. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! – OK, so not really a baseball movie, but the scene with Leslie Nielsen impersonating a major league umpire is priceless.
Jane (Pricilla Presley): I've heard police work is dangerous.
Frank (Neilsen): It is. That's why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.

The Ugly Americans

It’s no wonder much of the world hates “Americans.” So much of what they see is pretty ugly, and the pettiness of some US athletes at the concluding Turin Winter Olympic Games is no exception. Just last night U.S. aerials skier Jeret "Speedy" Peterson was sent to his room back home after he grew beer muscles and got into a fight police had to break up in pre-dawn Turin.

Winner of the gold in “just being a jerk,” Chad Hedrick won a gold, silver and bronze in speedskating, but probably could have done better if not for having to drag his gigantic freakin ego around the ice. His feud with 1,000 meter gold medalist, and teammate Shani Davis tarnish the medals he did win. He couldn’t find it in himself to congratulate Davis after the 1,000 meters, saying "Once Shani beat me, I didn't care if I got a bronze. I'm here to win. It's all or nothing.” Oh, Hedrick did come away with another win, a new nickname for his self-promoting, boorish behavior: “the Paris Hilton of speedskating.”

Mike Modano pissed and moaned about not getting the puck and having to make his own flight arrangements, then skipped a final meeting with his US Olympic teammates after they got bounced the night before. Mad Mikey added, “A lot of guys have been there for many years, and maybe we need some new blood in there to run things a little differently”. "It's probably time some things changed." Good idea, Mike. Buh-bye.

Let’s see… Lindsey Jacobellis was speeding unchallenged toward the gold in women's snowboardcross when she showboated the final jump and landed on her ass. Switzerland's Tanja Frieden blew by the prone American to claim the sport's first women's Olympic gold medal.

Hey, I can’t forget Johnny Weir in diva figure skating. He blamed his sorry assed performance on missing a bus and on his missing “aura.” Hey Johnny, maybe next time you can just shut up and skate.

Fortunately it wasn’t all bad. US speedskater Joey Cheek won gold and silver and will donate his $40,000 in medal bonuses to help impoverished children around the world. He’ll carry the US flag in the closing ceremonies.

On Second Thought…

Contrary to what I wrote Saturday, it seems we don’t have enough time in today’s hyper business environment to think on much of anything. It is very rare today to find the time to consciously think. I recall a conversation a couple years ago with my pal Norm about how we had lost the time to talk and collaborate on business issues; to connect and learn from each others perspectives. We have much less time today. Norm is one of the smartest guys I know, but it seems I never have the time to have a conversation with him. We’re too busy. John Old, knowledge manager at Texaco, comments on the phenomena, "It's hard to share knowledge if you don't have enough time to reflect on what you know or what you need to learn. Most companies have squeezed almost all of the reflection time out of their business processes."

I do trust my instincts, but some of my best ideas come at time when I’m just, um, thinking. At the gym with blood rushing through the brain. In the car with no music or talk radio. In the shower... Yeah, creepy perhaps, but there’s no distraction in there but the soothing sound of running water. A little research turned up this article from the September 2004 HR Magazine. Here’s an excerpt:

“Managers often come back from development programs energized, not from what they learned in the classes--all those lectures and case studies--but from what they learned from their colleagues at coffee breaks and after hours. What an awful waste of opportunity. Why can't the class time be as energizing as the time out of class, we asked ourselves, and we found the answer--significantly--in reflection.”

It’s worth the read. Hopefully it’ll make you stop and think.

More from the NoPod...

I finally got around to refreshing the playlist on my 60 minute MP3 player for the gym. Included in the list is a sample of the Pernice Brothers live "Nobody's Watching/Nobody's Listening." This band has produced some of the most beautifully lush pop sounds I've ever heard (link to their stuff on Amazon below). On this record though, they plug in and rock.

1. Sweet Illusions – Ryan Adams
2. Indian Summer Takedown - Varnaline
3. Meet Me on the Ledge - Varnaline
4. Land of Hopes and Dreams - Bruce
5. Darkness on the Edge of Town - Bruce
6. Money City Maniacs - Sloan
7. I'll Be Comin’ Around – Bottle Rockets
8. I've Been Dying – Bottle Rockets
9. Backstreets - Bruce
10. Flaming Wreck (Live) – Pernice Brothers
11. Going Under - Evanescence
12. All Used Up - Sloan
13. If It Feels Good Do It - Sloan

Shock the Monkey

I’ve been whining incessantly to anyone who’ll listen, but not here until now. See, CBS broke up with “Love Monkey.” The show was smartly written with great musical references and sports analogies, plus the dialogue had a snappy, well timed pace. The NYC visuals were also very cool, including one memorable shot of the building from Physical Graffiti.

It’s ironic that the show, like the music central to its storyline, was critically praised, but lacked the raw audience numbers to be considered successful. “Wife Swap” lives and “Love Monkey” dies. Sadly, people with gray matter don’t matter to networks driven by ratings that they need to fuel their ad revenues.

Rumors on the web are that the Monkey may not be dead yet, and is being shopped to the WB. Unfortunately, I can’t see the show working with their young demographic. How about Bravo? If you actually saw and liked the show, you can sign an online petition (for whatever that’s worth) to keep it alive. I hope somebody picks it up. Until then I’ll keep watching that final DVR’d episode every Tuesday at 10:00.

Honey Don’t Think

A recent study reported in London’s Guardian suggests over thinking leads to bad decisions, and that our most important choices may be better left to our raw instincts. The issue seems to be that our minds can only focus on a few things at once, and when we obsess over a decision, the few areas we focus on may be unduly weighted one way or the other.

Obviously, important considerations require some thought, but the reflection needs to be objective. In “Blink,” author Malcolm Gladwell’s research on numerous cases of decision making, shows that in many instances of complex decision making, less input is better than more, as long as the input is balanced.

I also think that anxiety over decisions involving personal risk contributes to bad decisions or indecision, simply because the anxiety over the decision becomes associated with the subject of the decision itself. Of course, then there’s fear…

Oh, and “Honey Don’t Think” is a great little tune by Grant Lee Buffalo from their record, “Mighty Joe Moon.”

Everybody Needs a Hunting Pal

I’ve hesitated in criticizing on the veep over his gun going off prematurely. C’mon, it happens to the best of us. I just don’t want to pile on Dick. I do have a few questions, though. Was this poor guy who got blasted a Democrat? Ever? Does he look anything like Hilary Clinton from behind? Does he bear any resemblance to Teddy Kennedy? How do you not see when innocents are in the line of fire? Oh, Dick Cheney. Nevermind.

In other news…
Megan went with Super-Cinnamon toasted with butter chased by a Gatorade Rain Berry flavored water, sport, whatever, drink. She had a good day...

I received some feedback on my Hallmark Day celebration. Now, I’m a glass half-full kinda guy, so “dark” and “depressing” really hurt. Now I’m all sad ‘n stuff…

The Day Begins

It’s 7:07am and Megan is up! My guess is that she’s really digging her ipod Nano, since she had it surgically attached. She also equipped her bedroom with her PC speakers and subwoofer so she can crank the tunes while she flings clean clothes on and off in search of just the right look for any particular day. She’s got pretty diverse taste in music, but most mornings the monotonous thump of hip-hop bangs down the door. This morning’s first selection was “My Favorite Mistake,” by Lance Armstrong’s ex-chick. I wonder if he’s hers? Anyway, either the music we play has a real effect on how we feel or how we feel effects the music we play. In High Fidelity, Rob, played by John Cusak, ponders, “What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?” Will Megan’s day be different today based on hearing Sheryl Crow instead of Em? A telltale sign will be her bagel selection… Super-Cinnamon with butter or Plain with scallion-bacon cream cheese? We’ll see. At least this morning she’s up in time to get one.

Is it Art?

Today’s Boston Globe has an article on a rock poster exhibit at the MFA. The show focuses on the psychedelic art from the late 60’s San Francisco music scene. One collector suggests the level of creativity during the period had something to do with LSD. Hmmm...


I own this poster from the late 90’s San Francisco music scene. The show was at the historic Fillmore and documents the July night I froze my ass off in the freakish summer bay weather waiting in line to see Son Volt and discover Varnaline. It’s cool. It’s art. Of course not on the same artistic level as my KISS poster from a few years earlier…

Happy Hallmark Day

Yeah, I’m a little cynical, but Valentine’s Day is just so contrived. The cheesy cards. The overpriced flowers. The once a year overture that simply doesn’t make up for sleepwalking through the other 364. Last night I took Kyle shopping so he could get his Mom and sister something, but with this young man, he loves them like every day is Valentine’s Day. He’s a 24/7 lover boy. Isn’t that how it should be? Unconditional? The way it used to be before the pain, regrets and burns… Sometimes I wonder if I can ever again risk enough to shed my jaded skin and get there. To a place where I relate as much to a love song as I do to this one:

“Move around, never moving on,
waiting for the thing to happen
when it's already gone…”

Overcome By Happiness – Pernice Brothers

PS – As I wrote this, the sweet sound of Megan reading to Kyle softly carried through the house. Moments like these confirm my heart still beats.

MindSuck

• The SuperBowl was just bad all around. It was especially frustrating to watch those two teams stumble about for 4 quarters knowing the Patriots would have slapped the shit out of either one of them.
• I read that Sir Mick was “outraged” over the NFL/ABC “censorship” of lyrics to “Start Me Up.” Dude, no one wants to drop the pork rinds at halftime and explain to little Suzie or Johnny what, “you made a dead man come” means, OK?
• Two words: Spring Training
• Barry from Jordan’s Furniture called me today to let me know Megan’s new dresser will arrive tomorrow between 7am and 11am. Yeah, it’s mass market stuff and all, but they really know how to serve customers.
• I’m moving offices for the 4th time in a little over a year. This time though, I’m getting four walls and a door. That’s going to feel good.
• Yesterday I had lunch with a “wicked smaht” guy who attended a Stanford Executive Training Course with Barb over the summer. It was a great lunch and we had fun. I’m very fortunate to be able to hang with people like them.
• Did U2 win those Grammy’s last night because of the music or Bono’s humanitarian politics?
• It’s no wonder “consultants” have a bad name. They act just like consultants.
• DVR’s are pretty cool. I’m going to watch Tuesday night’s 10pm episode of “Love Monkey” right now…
  

The Evil Powers of Rock n' Roll

As we approached Stubb’s it was clear, even through a Maker’s Mark haze, that getting into this show would be our greatest challenge to date. In the Spring of 2000, there was quite a buzz surrounding Hank Williams III. The hope was that the talent of his grandfather had simply skipped a generation and that the kid “had it.” It was one of the shows we really wanted to see, but the line around Stubb’s and the packed outdoor venue just bummed me out. Shut out? We’d never been shut out of a show at SXSW and we’d seen some barnburners. This time, things looked bleak. “Follow me,” barked Dave and suddenly I was chasing him as he ducked into the restaurant entrance, about 100’ beyond the concert entrance. In 2000, Dave was pretty damn quick, and he was on a mission. He approached a management type who attempted to intervene, but Dave threw a pomp head-fake and left the poor guy grasping at air like some poor Packer linebacker trying to tackle Barry Sanders. After the whiff, the would-be stopper fell into a waiter and the resulting slow-motion splattering of marinara across a patrons white shirt looked like it came right out of a Mario Puzo novel. Not pausing to admire the Tarantino-esque artistic carnage, Dave quickly darted down a short set of stairs and then cut left as he led an out pattern through the kitchen. I could have sworn I saw Andy Warhol chatting with a busboy as we dashed past the dishwasher, but I’m sure it was just the excitement of the moment. Suddenly there was darkness, but only briefly before the light… The beautiful light of the Stubb’s stage!

We hurriedly moved into the crowd and took a position center-stage, just behind what became the mosh-pit. Just in front of us was this guy who was pretty big, especially in the cranial region. We didn’t realize it at the time, but he’s in a band with Jack Black called Tenatious D…We didn’t see Jack, especially with that big dude in our field of vision.

Anyway… Hank III, or “Hank Tree” as we were calling him finally hit the stage and acted all punk until he blew out his bass amp. Then he threw a hissy-fit and walked off the stage. Dave speculated at the time that we may have witnessed a classic moment in rock history when “Hank III walked off stage at SXSW.” Um, not so much. I don’t think “Tree” has lived up to the hype of those early years. Hey, maybe there’s hope for Hank IV.

I turned around to head out, but Dave suggested we stick around to see the next band. I completely trust Dave’s musical instincts, so stay we did. About ten minutes later Eddie Spaghetti and the Supersuckers emerged looking and sounding something like this.

Thanks Jerry

A few months ago I read an interesting article in Slate that I vaguely recall insinuated the advertising industry was ripping off “Seinfeld” by using “Seinfeld-isms” in ads. I don’t know… I mean, in my little circle of life, I hear those Seinfeld references on a regular basis. Aren’t they in the public domain; just a part of our early 21st century lexicon? For example, the holidays just passed and I heard “regift” several times. I also believe I witnessed a “double-dipper” at a party I attended. At the same “festivus” gathering there was that woman with “man hands” who was a “low-talker.” I thought I had effectively engineered a “cleavage peek,” but maybe not since her boyfriend became a “close-talker” in my face soon after.

Then there’s the whole relationship/sex thing. I’m beginning to think I may be emerging from my “sexual camel” decade and might just be able to cancel my subscription to “Glamour Magazine.” After all, I am “Master of my own Domain,” right? Right now, I really don’t know. I don’t know whether I want “Hand” in a relationship or just to find a woman who thinks I’m “sponge worthy.” Anyway, I can’t really get into that. It’s in the vault. Just thinking about it is nerve-wracking and if I obsess about it, shrinkage is surely to result. I’ve got to get my mind off of this stuff. I think I’ll watch a movie, but not that gay cowboy movie. I don’t really like Westerns unless Clint Eastwood is spitting chewing tobacco on some dead guys forehead, so I probably won’t find kissing cowboys very entertaining. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Toys in the Attic

My household has accumulated quite a few toys in the past couple months. It began with Kyle’s kick-ass Darth Vader light saber for his birthday in November and concluded this week with the arrival of my Harmony 676 Universal Remote control. I’ve done exhaustive statistical analysis to determine how the toys rank in terms of their value. Without further ado, the envelopes please:

1. Darth Vader Light Saber – Simply the coolest toy EVER
2. “Light Up” Harry Potter Wand – This was a contender for #1, that is until Kyle unleashed a “fereverto” spell that grew a freakin tail on my ass! This toy is not for kids!
3. Treo 650 – Of course, I got the Jack Bauer Model, so this isn’t some lame Blackberry. All it’s really missing is a “Shut the Hell Up” mute button. CTU is working on it for me…
4. NEC 42XR4A Plasma Television – Like dropping a hit of acid. Um, well, from what I’ve heard…
5. Nikon CoolPix 4600 – Megan’s new camera is small and cool. She has it with her constantly, so I guess she’s digging it.
6. Airens SnowBlower – I was pretty fired up about this until 10” of snow arrived. After pushing this beast around for 2 hours, I think I like the TV better.
7. Harmony 676 – One remote replaces 4. I like it, but my juggling skills are going to take a hit now.
8. iPod Nano 2G – Megan’s toy and until she replaces some of that Eminem with some Sloan, it’s just an “iPud.”

“First prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.”

Alec Baldwin recited that hard reality in the terrific film adaptation of the play, “Glengarry Glen Ross.” The line symbolizes the high-pressure life of a Sales professional. There’s really no way to understand the pressure of being in Sales except by actually trying to sell someone something. Sure, we all “sell” everyday as we try to influence, motivate or just try to get people to “buy” us, but it’s not the same as saying, “can we have the order?” Today I got a little taste of the pressure during a meeting case-study I attended in Dallas. Our “Sales” team had to put together a solution of our products and services and sell it to the rest of the class. Yesterday was the easy part. We figured out what the right components were and how they would best ease the customer’s business pains. Today we had to close the deal. As we met to decide how we would approach the close, I really felt emboldened that I knew what the approach should be, so I put my ideas out there and surprisingly, the team of strong-willed semi-sales types agreed. We crafted 3 simple PowerPoint slides to illustrate our offer, our commitment to the customer as a true business partner, and finally a screenful of highly recognizable corporate logos that are happy and loyal customers. “So who’s going to present this? Someone asked. I sank down in my chair hoping to become suddenly invisible. “Well, I think Jim did a good job on the offer. He should present.” Whew… Then someone said, “I thing Leo should close with all that partnership stuff.” “Uh, well…um, I’m not really…” The group all approved and suddenly I wasn’t stealth. I was “it.”

My heart was “banging like Charlie Watts,” to quote a John Hiatt song as Jim wrapped up the financial details. The name of the fictional company was, “We Build. U-Buy.” I opened by thanking everyone for all their hard work in the process and then looked at the customer lead and said, “now is when we hope we’ve reached the point where “We Build. U-Buy.” As I said “we” I pointed to myself with both hands, almost like holding my hands to my heart, then extended my hands toward the customer as I softly said, “U-Buy.” “But…what are we asking you to buy? We hope that over the past months we have built a strong, trusting relationship with you and your team. That partnership is what we’re asking you to buy.” I went around the room and spoke of how we worked with George, their IT VP to understand their infrastructure and ensure optimal performance. I walked over to Ken, their “tough” Union chief and explained how we worked with him on a change management plan to help gain the acceptance of his union employees. I looked back at Pam, the primary customer and I knew I had nailed it. I then spoke about the sales process and acknowledged our firm was not the only one in the running. “I’m sure you’ve seen lots of flash and sizzle, and a lot of cool bells and whistles. But the sizzle fades and then what do you have? With us, you have a long term partner who will be with you over the long-term." I then walked through a slide on our support offerings that span the entire lifecycle of the product. “This level of support is what protects the significant investment we’re asking you to make today.” The finals slide appeared on the screen with a killer quote from a major customer and many logos of our loyal customers. “I’m asking you to join us. Join the Kronos family of customers like the ones you see on the screen right now. Are there any questions?” Not being a Sales professional, of course I forgot to actually ask for the order, so Jim jumped back in and did. “Yes.” What a rush.